Sound Lessons in Survival of the Corporate Soul
A quiet comfort was the feeling as I sat alone at home in the early January morning the day after I left my job - the suffering was over. Or, I should say, the source of the pain was removed - the suffering would remain for awhile. I left with none of the enthusiasm I had felt 2 years earlier when I was hired to that large, prestigious company with a high profile identity. In fact I felt much as a POW must feel upon release. I had been broken - identity and freedom was a concept that would take some time to grow into.
It did not take long after joining the company to realize that all was not what it initially seemed. The cardinal rule NO EATING OR DRINKING AT YOUR DESK was strictly enforced and set the authoritarian tone. The fact that water was a concessionary exception was offset by the 5 minute total daily limit on bathroom breaks. Basically everything at this place started at the broad pyramidal base of order with what you could NOT do and ascended to a continually narrowing peak of freedoms.
That was "House Rules" - the rules of order. When it came to each job description things got exponentially worse. The specific steps and hierarchy of each task were intricately woven into a complex matrix of opposing dictates. Picture a spider web where every move the victim makes to extricate himself from peril merely entangles him deeper into the mesh until either frustration or fatigue eventually proves fatal. At this company you were always in the web.
The final chapter of this story comes at the end of my two year tenure, a period of daily frustration and physical deterioration - approaching the point of fracture. Having tried my best to play the dutiful soldier and trying, difficult as it was, to fulfill the complex doctrine of performance indicators and regulatory mandate I was playing a losing game. As my performance review date drew near I had no idea that they were about to play a new hand to which I had only one recourse. Reviews here required completing 12 intense pages of performance indicators, imposed initiatives, and intended goals, all calculated to a final score using a formula that would have challenged even the great Einstein.
I entered my review meeting, faced my supervisor, and began the quarterly exercise in futility, much like the scenes in the movie "Shawshank Redemption" where Red faces the parole board. I was, however about to be introduced to a management concept that exceeded anything I had encountered in my 30 year professional career and beyond my wildest imagination.
The current review behind us, the meeting moved on with "things to come" and my manager became alive with enthusiasm as he began to unveil this "New review process that will improve, simplify, and revolutionize our performance appraisal process !" He's nearly beside himself with an excitement that I'm afraid can only ultimately end in bladder control failure as he continues to unravel his outrageous plan. "Here's how it works - and it's so beautifully simple and easy for everyone ! Are you ready?"
"Here it is. We now have only 3 categories of performance! If you MEET your expected performance numbers - you get a 1. If you exceed those numbers you get a 2. If you fall short of your expected goals you get a 0. No more complicated forms, no more nuanced gradations of performance or sliding scales and formulas - 1, 2, or 0 ! How great is that ? Your management team worked a long time to find simple and fair system for everyone!"
Well, my jaw nearly dropped at this ridiculous plan. I didn't know which was sillier, the plan itself or his childish enthusiasm for its inception. I was back in second grade - the grading system was PASS/FAIL - they were actually going to face me next quarter with possibly less than acceptable performance numbers and tell me that I WAS A ZERO - that my previous quarter's boring, sometimes frustrating, and non-fulfilling yet generally acceptable work, was worth NOTHING to them ? "Thanks for nothing, lets try again next quarter." I was curious to know which of the latest management schools suggested that negative motivation was actually an incentive tool ! I wondered why, if an employee was actually a ZERO, they would continue to give them a paycheck for labor they considered less than acceptable.
As usual I kept all these questions and my disbelief to myself, supported his conclusions and ended the meeting in a cordial manner with a handshake. As I passed through his door on my exit it was already clear in my mind that I would not experience another review at this company. I spent three more months at the company and tendered my resignation.
A soft snow begins to fall, it's January, I have far to go.
Category: Essays
Labels: Essays
